Don't call it a comeback!

" Pretending that we live doesn't make us alive."- Serj Tankian

Hello all!! I feel like it has been an eternity since the last time I blogged. So much for my life without blogging! I think it has been a whopping 4 months for self doubt, pity, laziness, and STRESS. I mean to add the capitals because my life has not been a damn crystal stair. For these past months, I have not been my normal self. I actually had to grow up in many areas of my life but still treated them as if I was a juvenile. I started to doubt my abilities and have become lazy as hell. From the past posts you can see the job I had before was less demanding which meant it was ok for me to take pictures in the bathroom and post them just so I could say I blogged for the day. Now a days I would say that the ending of my 2011 has been hell on Earth. Why I say this you ask? Well it's never a good sign for your boss to take you aside and ask "why do you want to be here?" Or ask "what happened to the enthusiastic person I had to hire the day I met her?" Needless to say I have been fucking up big time. I'm taking a needed hiatus from school to get my life together. I flunked out so I guess a hiatus is the reward I get. Everything just seemed to be coming quickly and fast. If I could describe it metaphorically it was like an avalanche of emotions. I felt depressed. At my peak one day and and then I hit rock bottom.

These past two weeks I had off from work, allowed me to evaluate what was important in my life. I guess reading quotes help me define or figure out what direction I want to head in. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said " If you cannot fly then run, if you cannot run then walk, if you cannot walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward." I've used this quote not only to find inspiration but also to let me know that I will and can achieve my goals it just depends on what road I take. I used these weeks to evaluate where my unhappiness came from and to think about what solutions I can take in order to progress forward. I found that I'm unhappy because I cannot do what I used to and haven't tried to find an outlet that I could use to make me feel better. I think what was missing from my equation was blogging and traveling. Besides the fact I hate my job, I've been thinking about how to make it work. How could I reduce my stress levels but work extremely hard and play hard as well? Though I shy away from a challenge, for 2012 I'm trying to get my priorities in order. So far I've started on a routine I hope will help (I'll discuss that later). So until I write again (in a few minutes), have a blessed New Year.