Love Affair or something like it

Lil Twist feat. Lil Wayne - Love Affair... by foxysoul

"I'm dealing with this love affair/ It used be just physical/ Now it's just to emotional for me"

So at the moment,  I LOVE this song. I feel that it resignates with something I am experiencing or have experienced. I know I haven't spoken much about my relationships or specific guy friends (I do that on purpose), but I have been reflecting (dangerous for my life) and trying to weigh my take on relationships and actually being in one.

I am single and have been for a while. I don't normally date much but when I do I feel the need to invest my time in seeing just one person so I can see the possiblities. Many times that has gotten me the results I didn't want. I would focus my energy on a dude and he could care less. I feel I set myself up for failure by not communicating what I want, seek, and think about for "our"future. In some cases this would be considered moving along too fast or scaring the dude, but I think if I have been waiting around with you for about a year and you still cannot determine where we are and how we fit into each others lives then it is a waste of time and effort.

In the words of my mother, "Never back track on dudes I was involved with". She states that they are in your past for a reason. Of course I didn't follow my mother's words instead I go against the grain and bring a dude back from out of the woodworks and present him with a new me and hopefully he had done some reflecting as well. This time around I figured I wouldn't trip on the small stuff, take a little more time to care about his interests but also to cut more of the physical to be there for him emotionally and mentally. Mind you this "new" love affair began in April and now we are back to doing separate things, not cutely invading each others space, or dating. It just seems that back tracking has proven that maybe old habits don't die. I think there is an unspoken agreement about our status.

I'm wising up to not sit around and wait for him anymore. In the words of Fantasia, "I'm doing me".